It’s New Year’s Eve and your loyal blogger is home with a head cold and a hot toddy. The cold was acquired in the course of several days with a delightful but contagious pre-schooler, my granddaughter, whom I don’t see often enough. But I wouldn’t have traded that time with her for anything mundane like a foofy New Year’s party and the ability to breathe through my nose. So I’m home in my bathrobe tonight, looking at the paintings we made, missing her extraordinary carillion-style laughter, and contemplating the new decade. 

Resolutions don’t seem to work for me. I always take on too much and then disappoint myself. And it’s a drag to be calling yourself down over failed self-improvement when it’s only February. I try now to think more in trends. What worked last year? How can I do more of that, and less of what didn’t.

Here’s what worked for me in 2009: Say yes whenever possible. The idea is certainly not proprietary with me. One of the many places you’ll see it put forward is in literature about improvisation. Patricia Ryan Madson’s book Improv Wisdom, explains the aptness of yes in a very entertaining way. Here’s a brief excerpt:

Saying yes (and following through with support) prevents you from committing a cardinal sin “blocking.” Blocking comes in many forms; it is a way of trying to control the situation instead of accepting it. We block when we say no, when we have a better idea, when we change the subject, when we correct the speaker, when we fail to listen, or when we simply ignore the situation. The critic in us wakes up and runs the show. Saying no is the most common way we attempt to control the future. For many of us the habit is so ingrained that we don’t notice we are doing it. We are not only experienced at blocking others, we commonly block ourselves . . . A sophisticated critic may even appear to be agreeing by offering the “yes but” response. Try substituting “yes and” for “yes but” — this will get the ball rolling.

So what about kids who are asking for impossible things? The nine year old who desperately wants a pony even though you live in a two bedroom condo in the city? Just say Yes? How about just agreeing with the desire: “Yes, wouldn’t that be great, to have your own pony? I wish I could give it to you, and a silver saddle, too. Imagine my Annabelle, galloping across an open field!  I wonder if we could think of some ways to get a pony into your life?” (Saving money for riding camp, for example) See how different this feels from, “No we can’t afford a pony, and anyhow it’s ridiculous, there’s no place to keep it.” Whatever the currently unfulfillable wish, I think it’s nice to add: “Someday I hope your dream comes true.”

And while we are dealing with kids, “Yes, later,” is a happy re-do of “No, not now.”

So this year, when I can’t decide, my default will be yes. Go see a movie I’m not sure I’ll like? Yes. Do I have time to help stretch a huge canvas this weekend? Yes, we’ll figure it out. Show up at your concert or opening? Yes, I can.

It’s good, too, to be able to see the important yes inside some of your nos.  Someone once told me that when you say no to a request, understand that it can be a way of saying yes to something else. So it’s — No, sorry, I can’t help with the fundraiser for the animal shelter (because I am saying Yes to a young person who needs me right now.) Or —No, can’t hang that exhibition (because I am saying Yes to my own painting.) This helps me feel good and strong about my nos, rather than guilty or ungenerous.

So I am starting the new decade by saying YES to all its possibilities and adventures which are yet to be revealed. If you need a little extra inspiration today, I hope you’ll take the time to watch this TED talk by the irrepressible Benjamin Zander. Don’t ask me what it’s about. Just say Yes.

yes is a pleasant country:
if’s wintry
(my lovely)
let’s open the year

—e.e. cummings