Brenda Conlan - Alcohol and Other Drug Educator

I wrapped up my school year at a girls school where I facilitated an interactive 8th grade student/parent evening that was a wild success. The activity is fascinating, as families are put into discussion groups about alcohol/drug issues with other people’s family members – the results are astonishing. It is delightfully freeing to talk about this topic with someone else’s mom or child – you can truly listen without that emotional investment you have in your own person. As the groups finish and return to the auditorium, the students are running around frantically asking, “was my dad weird in the group? Who had my mother?” The answers are so sweet and reassuring: “We had your mom in our group; she was so funny and nice!” Whew, once the kids realize that their parents didn’t misbehave, they relax and are enthusiastic about how interesting it was to hear from other adults on this vast and confusing issue…Generally, parents focus on safety and describe the fear that their child could end up hurt or damaged in some way. Hearing another parent package the same message in slightly different language or a new anecdote is refreshing and comforting for kids. I will often say, “raise your hand if you found out your parents are normal tonight!” Many hands slowly and reluctantly go up…The questions used in the groups are meant to promote honest dialogue and not put any one on the spot. I beg parents to approach the kids from their vulnerability as parents and not lecture or “educate” the students. I never have to guide the students; they just intuitively know what to do and are glad for an opportunity to hear something other than the Surgeon General’s Warning from adults.

I already mentioned that it was a brilliant evening. I would have just walked away feeling fine about the evening and not given it any more thought it hadn’t been for a comment from an adult. When we re-gather as a large group, I always ask for people to speak about what they will take away from their group discussion. An older woman who is raising her granddaughter said something provocative and very true. I have actually been thinking about it ever since. These are not her exact words, but this is essentially what she said: “The girls in our group were lovely, smart and articulate. They said all the right things and gave countless reasons to abstain from illegal drug use and underage drinking. They all speak as if they will never get involved in any of it. Yet there are lovely, smart, articulate high school aged girls involved in drinking and other drug use – how do we go deeper with this conversation, so it’s not just people saying the right things, but actually living well and avoiding harmful behaviors throughout their lives?” I have been doing this work for a long time and I still have many more questions than answers when it comes to teen behavior. The only thing I feel sure of is that the answer to that grandmother’s question lies in relationships. It’s relational – I feel that relationships are the access point to kids, starting with their relationships at home. The people I know who don’t abuse substances or have quit abusing them often say they are preserving something important – they recognize that drug use and all that goes along with it will interfere with their relationship to ______ (fill in the blank).

I am not discounting how compelling, sexy, edgy and attractive alcohol/drug use is made to seem in our culture – think of all the messages kids receive on social media sites that we adults aren’t even aware of. What we do see on TV and in movies is aggressive enough and it is terrifying to think that there is a whole online world that isn’t on our radar screen. Only something real and valuable, like human interaction can compete with all of that.